“It took an additional forty-five minutes, two other associates, two members of management, several phone calls to tech support and a blood sacrifice to St. Homobonus, the patron saint of merchants and shopkeepers, before it was resolved.”

“That’s when the toilet auto-flushed. The noise of hundreds of gallons of water whooshing into an industrial commode filled the stall, echoed off the tiled walls of the restroom, and blotted out the noise of a nearby military jet doing overhead maneuvers.”

“Despite the billions of hunters-both electronic and human- desperately trying to engage me for my data, my thoughts, my very will to think independently, I remain in my little bubble of ignorance, blissfully immune from the trashfire theater of social protests, viral trends or identity politics.”